How to Pick a Lover


As a young man, the different rules we apply to the courtship and sexual behavior of women and men intrigued me. Why didn’t we allow women to enjoy the same freedoms as men without judgment? My curiosity became a life-long interest, which culminated in my first book, “How To Pick A Lover: For Women Who Want To Win At Love.” This blog is an extension of my continued interest in roles of women and men in contemporary relationships. I want to explore with you the relatively new emotional and sexual freedoms that today’s women have, including a woman’s right – married, single or otherwise – to have a lover if she so chooses.

I have taught sociology courses on marriage and the family at the University of Western Ontario, have been a marriage and family counselor, have spent the past 25 years in the field of public health, and write an advice column for I have graduate degrees from the University of Western Ontario and University of California, Berkeley, and live in Los Angeles.

Comments on: "About" (12)

  1. […] Women in Contemporary Relationships – Wesley always posts the most fascinating and thought-provoking topics in ways that I understand without having to interpret. His blog is a goldmine of inspiration. […]

  2. Thank you for your positive support of my blog posting….the vision between men and women. Hey, I am a 3rd generation native Californian living in New Zealand. Love your blog and I just started following it too. If you ever want to be on a Skype call I use that or you have a land line I’d be happy to call you. I’ve been with the same woman for 27 1/2 years now in a sexless marriage so I might have some insights for you. God bless you and hang in there.

    • How nice to hear from a fellow Californian. Thanks for following my blog and sharing with me your personal experience. It’s wonderful that you have been married to the same woman for 27 1/2 years. Congratulations! You clearly have a truly loving relationship. I appreciate you letting me know that you’re enjoying reading my posts. It means a lot to me. I haven’t used Skype but plan to start in the near. It would indeed be interesting to chat some time and get your insights and thoughts about sexless marriages. And thanks for all of your great posts. I’ve enjoyed them tremendously.

  3. […] you Women in Contemporary Relationships for nominating me for this award. Either I am really good, or all my followers are smoking crack […]

  4. Thank you for liking my blog post on the 80/20 rule 🙂

  5. Howdy! You are hereby nominated for a kick ass award (is there any other kind?). Come on by and take a peek. HUGS!!

  6. […] followed, interacted with, consider friends that I don’t want to see drift away. Will Wesley eventually exhaust his multitude of topics and simply quit writing? Will PMS get overloaded with […]

  7. […] Wesley – his blog isn’t always about sex, it’s more about relationships. But, dammit, his stuff always makes me think. Gotta love it. […]

  8. Hi,

    My name is Hayley Mathis, and I’m the editor-in-chief of, an all-inclusive dating resource site.

    A bit about We launched about a year and a half ago. We see 250K unique visitors and 500K page views per month. We offer advice from industry experts like Dr. Wendy Walsh, David Wygant, Julie Spira and more! We frequently get mentions from CNN, FoxNews, HLN and others.

    With that said, I wanted to see if you would be interested in guest blogging for us!

    If so, let me know and I can send you the details.


    • Hi Hayley,

      Thank you for responding to my blog. I would definitely be interested in being a guest blogger on Please send me additional details being a guest blogger and how I can contact you. My email address is


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