How to Pick a Lover

Posts tagged ‘traits of a good lover’

Speaking of Love: The Silver-Tongued Devil

I have been seduced again, by the silver—tongued devil again. He is the most cunning linguist of them all.

—Jadah Vaughn

An important part of making love is, or should be, words. You are passionate for a few minutes; you are involved in an intimate embrace for a few hours but may converse and listen all day long and far into the night.

The lover worth loving knows how to talk and to listen. He knows how to make the experience more acute for being put into words and to make feelings more focused for being articulated. He not only knows how to express himself, but he knows how to draw you out to express yourself as well.

His presence is companionate because it is shared; his presence is not boring because it provides a running commentary of observation, thought, and feeling. With luck, such a lover also has the gift of laughter: he provides reassurance while putting things in perspective.

English: A young woman and man embracing while...

The act of love making begins long before you are in bed.

It may sound like a tall order, but all it really means is that this person has learned to communicate verbally and is willing to use that skill to help create a mood and develop a relationship. Pillow talk, intimate talk may be made up of little nothings, but it is of great importance.

The good lover should not only be able to converse about the weather and the price of tea in China, he should also be able to talk about love. An Irish woman would call it blarney, but she would smile when she said it. An English woman would chide him with “how you do go on!” but she would smile too.

Conversation doesn’t only establish intimacy. It also helps to imprint sensual experiences and makes them memorable.

The experience of the sensate world is something to be felt and to be enjoyed. However, it is often difficult to know exactly what you are feeling and even more difficult to remember it with clarity. On occasion, some combination of emotion and circumstance may create an atmosphere that you recall in dreams and daydreams for years. But often, the experiences themselves, the sensations are amorphous and are lost to thought and memory.

They say—that is, men say—that women do not really remember the pains of childbirth, or they would never have a second child. Often, even very intense sensations, such as the great pleasure of making love, are difficult to recall in detail. You experience something more acutely for being able to put it into words. People are always lamenting that a feeling is beyond words, and it may well be true. But, at least, trying to put it into words helps to focus on the reality you are experiencing.

Look for a lover who is articulate. If he can verbalize his emotions and yours as well for that matter, he can enable both of you to feel more completely and to remember more accurately. Strong and silent types may have been fine as stars of the silent screen; but they can be boring, boring, boring in bed. Brevity may be the soul of wit, but that maxim does not apply when someone is saying “I love you.

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