How to Pick a Lover

Posts tagged ‘sexual advances’

Beware of the Courtly Gentleman

It’s hard for a girl to know sometimes if a man is a perfect gentleman or just not interested.
—Evan Esar

A typical complaint from women who are dating is that their escorts come on too strong too fast. While you, as a woman, are still considering whether or not you even like him, much less whether or not you want to sleep with him, he may be all over you. His hand “accidentally” wanders from your waist up to your breast and down to your inner thigh and beyond. He makes suggestive comments and puts his tongue in your ear and holds you down in a hammerlock embrace, while all the time you’re feeling as though you’re being loved to death by an amorous Saint Bernard: “Down, boy! Down!
Bad dog!”

After a number of evenings, which usually end in a tussle and leave you breathless and with torn clothing, it is a refreshing change, finally, to go out with a man who acts like a gentleman instead of an incipient rapist. A gentleman who kisses your hand or your cheek. A gentleman who manages to hold your coat for you without breathing down your neck and who can help you out of a car without putting his hand under your skirt. A gentleman who manages to have an ordinary conversation, which is not constantly salted with double entendres. Under these circumstances, a woman can relax and watch the show without feeling that, at the slightest sign of reduced vigilance, the wolf is going to pounce on the lamb, resulting in yet another tussle and lots of heavy breathing.

However, a courtly gentleman who is too polite can also be a sign of impending trouble albeit of another kind. One young wife reported her sad tale. “John was so respectful of me when we were going out. It was a delight after all those men on the make all the time. I thought it meant he loved me—but he was still respecting me three months after our wedding!”

The man who is not sexually aggressive may be behaving politely, or he may just be apathetic. Sometimes, the two very different patterns can seem much the same.

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