How to Pick a Lover

Posts tagged ‘philogyny’

The Lady’s Man Doesn’t Make a Good Husband but He May Make a Good Lover

What lasting joys the man attend
Who has a polished female friend.
—Cornelius Whurr, The Female Friend

Often, a man who is androgynous is a man who has a number of women friends. The best lovers are usually those who are the most bonded to women. A man with women friends, obviously, can relate to women on a number of levels in addition to the erotic one. If he seeks out women friends and if he is successful in maintaining friendships with them, you know that he must enjoy their conversation and be sympathetic to their concerns. He is what is often called a lady’s man. It is important to note that the lady’s man, unlike the macho “man’s man,” actually likes women.

Cover of "Lady's Man"

Cover of Lady’s Man

The special term for the love of or liking of women is “philogyny.” Why is it that the kinds of men who are philogynous have such a negative image? Referring to someone as a “lady’s man” usually has a negative connotation, but in the literal sense, it only means a man who strives especially to please women and to attract their attention and admiration. Doesn’t that sound like someone who might make a good lover?

A “womanizer” is defined as a man who chases women. What else should he chase? gold? goats? other men? The man who is called a womanizer is almost as bad as one who is called a philanderer. The dictionary defines a “philanderer” as a man who makes love without serious intent. How serious did you want him to be? As serious as mortgages? As serious as vacuum cleaners? As serious as crabgrass or the crabs? The dictionary also notes that a philanderer is one who carries on flirtations or one who loves. His intentions may not be honorable, but his bed may still be an honorable place. The philanderer is likely, at least, to be a man who likes women, who likes sex, and who appreciates sensual delights. You might not want to marry one, but you might well enjoy having one as a lover.

The man who likes women, call him what you will, is one who enjoys flirtation and who understands dalliance.

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