There is a proverb, “As you have made your bed, so you must lie in it,” which is simply a lie. If I have made my bed uncomfortably, please God. I will make it again.
—G. K. Chesterton
What is it that motivates a wife to take a lover? Those acts, which in retrospect come to be recognized as decisions, have a multiplicity of roots. Some wives are pushed toward an affair by an unsatisfactory marriage. The really unlucky ones are those who were unhappy with their husbands from the start, either because they picked a man with whom they could never be compatible or because they discovered too late that they were not really the marrying kind.
Other wives have had a period of marital happiness, but later find their marriages stultifying and unrewarding. Sometimes, the women have changed; sometimes, their husbands have. A girl who married very young may have found exactly the kind of husband she wanted, only to later change her mind. She may have selected exactly the kind of nice boy who seemed ideal when she was seventeen and then found at twenty-seven that nice boys are boring. Alternatively, the man may have himself changed with time.
In Fear of Flying, Erica Jong has her heroine lament, “I longed for him as he was when I first met him. The man he had become was disappointing.” In conventional wedlock, the emphasis was on the “lock.” Once a husband had won his wife, she was, in effect, his chattel and she had, virtually, no other options but to remain his wife. He could rest on his laurels until they rusted and still be assured of her presence.
In modern marriage, the relationship is more one of a voluntary partnership. Neither husband nor wife is obligated to stay married—and so neither can become totally secure and complacent that once a mate has been won, that individual will remain his or her possession for life. A husband or wife must not only convince a mate to want to marry but must also continually convince him or her to want to stay married.
Waiting for a husband to change and for a deteriorated relationship to rehabilitate itself is indeed an exercise of faith. In many cases, it is a lot like Waiting for Godot who, in the Samuel Beckett play, never shows up even though the watchful and undeterred Valdimir and Estragon wait and wait and wait for him to come.
In pharmacology, there is a category of drugs called palliatives. They do not cure what is wrong with you, but they mitigate some of the symptoms and make you feel better. They are anodynes which relieve distress or pain and soothe the mind and feelings.
In a marriage, there may come a point where a wife has accumulated a whole bale of last straws. Taking a lover may be a desperate palliative before chucking the whole unfulfilling enterprise.
- Single Women May Now Seek Lovers and Not Husbands (pickingalover.wordpress.com)
- Marriage and love jokes (thebestdateideas.wordpress.com)
- ‘I don’t steal husbands… I just borrow them for a bit’: Meet the woman who has dated more than 50 married men (mirror.co.uk)
- Scent of a Marriage (marieclaire.com)
- Happily Married (mrsanonymousexecutive.wordpress.com)
- Sexual Affairs: The Extramarital Connection (pickingalover.wordpress.com)
- Can infidelity save a marriage? (fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com)
- British women drive demand for extramarital dating websites (telegraph.co.uk)
- Celebrity Affairs Cause Extramarital Site to Boom (uk.prweb.com)
- Women on Top: The Decline of the Double Standard (pickingalover.wordpress.com)
- His Adultery Spices Up Marriage (heartiste.wordpress.com)
- Casual Sex (lieshurtmysanity.wordpress.com)
- The girls are back. The topic is (shhhhhh) sex. The casual kind. (avoidingkim.wordpress.com)
- A Debate About Hook-Up Culture (snspost.com)