How to Pick a Lover


The great question . . . which I have not been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is: “What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud,
The Life and Works of Sigmund Freud

Poor old Freud never figured it out. Neither did lots of women who, several generations later, are still having trouble with the same question.

Over the past few pivotal decades, women have both wanted to learn and learned to want. One thing they have learned to want is to explore and to savor their full erotic potential. And what they want to learn is just what that potential is and how to seize the opportunity to experience it. As women begin to realize the possibilities inherent in sexuality, they feel increasingly entitled to partake of this important element of life. They feel entitled not only to be sexually active but to be sexually active in the ways which are most rewarding to them.

WWW - What Women Want poster

Photo credit: Jonathas Scott

If you asked men why they want to have a mistress, they would reply almost to a man, “To get laid, of course!” They might phrase it more delicately and might hasten to add that that was not the only thing they wanted; but it would be obvious that a prime motivator, if not the prime motivator, was to expand their erotic experience. For many men, especially young men, the desire for sexual expression is a constant urge needing little, if any, prompting from outside stimuli. The desire seems to come directly from the hormones, and it is not only constant but relatively urgent.

It should no longer be very shocking to discover that spontaneous sexual urges may also be a prime mover for a number of women, some married and some not, some happy and some not. The erotic poet Irving Layton makes this point when he opines, “A woman who is attractive, well educated, and sensible has only one thing on her mind—to get laid.” Layton is given to hyperbole and so overstates his point. One can be forgiven for suspecting him of optimistically projecting his own feelings. Even adolescent boys occasionally have their minds on football, hamburgers, motorcycles, and cold beer.

Nevertheless, it is important to remember what should be an obvious point: in many cases, if not most, the erotic component is one factor, and an important one, in what contemporary women want.


Comments on: "The Wanton Factor: On Lust and Womanhood" (6)

  1. ( said:

    Very interesting points of view.

    • Thank you. Do you agree or disagree with any of my points of view? I would be very interesting in knowing your thoughts.

      • ( said:

        I actjually agree with your points of view for the most part. Women can have it all these days, just like men have been doing for years/decades…
        Many women just want to be lusty and can quickly move on to what to do next; never thinking of the man again until she has that desire creep up. I guess what I’m trying to say is that she no longer needs to feel any real connection to the guy. Perhaps she would like to, but it’s not a necessity. I think that makes her even more desirable to many men. Men still like the chase and many women these days like to give him one…

        sorry so late answering your question, I have been extremely busy and am not on this site too often. I got an email telling me to “moderate” my blogs… LOL

  2. Thanks. I’m glad that you enjoyed the post and felt that it was worth reblogging.

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