How to Pick a Lover

Hunters of women burn to show their skill,
Yet when the panting quarry has been caught
Mere force of habit drives them to the kill:
The soft flesh is less savory than their sport.
—John Press, “Womanizers”

For some men, the most thrilling and most important aspect of sexuality is the ability to persuade a new woman to have sex with them. Some psychiatrists refer to this syndrome as the Casanova complex after the legendary Giacomo Casanova who seduced hundreds of women and detailed his exploits in his memoirs.

English: Alessandro Longhi (1733-1813) portrai...

Casanova via Wikipedia

Casanovas, who are also sometimes called Don Juans, after another historical figure with extensive seductions under his belt, are usually very attractive to women because they have made a careful study of the components of masculine appeal, and they work diligently at being attractive. They have an excellent and persuasive line or, rather, a series of lines, one for all possibleoccasions with all possible kinds of women. In some places, they are called scalp hunters. Sometimes, they are said to be concerned with making notches on their gun, like old-time gunmen of the West who were reputed to carve a notch for every man they killed. Casanovas are obsessed with the idea that they can entice any woman into their net. The more unlikely you are as a sex partner, the more of a challenge you present to their supposedly irresistible charms, and the more diligently they will work at wooing you effectively.

The Casanova has a wide repertoire of seductive tricks. He talks a good game, he has practiced hands, he looks at you with melting eyes, and he simply does not take no for an answer. He declares his undying love or his overwhelming passion or whatever other hyperbolic state of affairs he thinks might please you. Heady stuff.

When you finally succumb to the blandishments of a Casanova and let him take you to bed, you are likely to experience a profound sense of anticlimax. For him, the fun of seducing a woman is all in the chase; and in establishing that, his personality and will are dominant over yours. Once you have submitted to his will, you are no longer very interesting.

The Casanova is often an indifferent lover. He is almost never interested in following up a conquest with an encore and certainly not with a relationship. An encounter with a Casanova, should you have been unfortunate enough to have actually believed his line, is a profound disappointment

How can you recognize a Casanova in advance? Like misogynists, Casanovas do not necessarily wear identity badges, but there are several clues. Usually, their reputation precedes them, especially since they are proud of their conquests rather than ashamed; many may even brag about them. They certainly do not try to conceal their numerous involvements. Scott Fitzgerald
described such a man about town as “one of those men who come in a door and make any woman with them look guilty.” The Casanova tends to come on too strong too soon, declaring a passion far and above what would be reasonable and predictable in a given situation.

Finally, although a Casanova may have had many women, his is unlikely to have had any one woman for any length of time. When he is thirty-five, and the longest he has ever been involved with one woman is five weeks, beware.

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Comments on: "Beware of the Casanova Complex" (5)

  1. […] Beware of the Casanova Complex (pickingalover.wordpress.com) Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. Tagged: Mental Health, People, Person, Real Men, Relationships, Takers, Violence against women, Women, women beware, women empowerment Posted in: About the Author ← Let It Be Be the first to start a conversation […]

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  3. Just want to say that love your blog 😉 Well said!

    • Thanks for letting me know that you enjoy my blog. Your comment is very timely and encouraging. I’ve been seriously thinking that I might stop writing the blog, as it doesn’t seem to get all that much traffic and figured people don’t find it to be of interest. Perhaps I just haven’t marketed it very well. At any rate, your comment has encouraged me to continue.

  4. this is so me….I always wondering what is the right term of this disease engufing my personality….I am a man with casanova complex!!! damn boy!!!

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