How to Pick a Lover

All sensuality is one, though it takes many forms . . . It is the same whether a man eat, or drink, or cohabit or sleep sensually. They are but one appetite,and we need only to see a person do any one of these to know how great a sensualist he is.
Henry David Thoreau

Making love and having sex are sensate acts: they depend on the sensations of the body for their value and satisfaction. However obvious that may seem, many people appear to forget that physical love is just that: physical. It is touch and sensation: the experience of touching and being touched, the sensation of arousal and climax and satiation.

senses

senses (Photo credit: joaoloureiro)

If you want to find a lover who will take you far into the realm of the senses, who will explore the erotic possibilities all around us, then you must, first of all, find a truly sensate man. No Calvinists need apply.

You need a man who fundamentally believes that sensation is important, a man who is aware of his body’s messages and who takes the care and feeding of his body seriously. Only if he has reached this stage can you trust that he will also take your body, and your care and feeding, equally seriously. You need a man who is sensuous, someone who attends to that which can be experienced. You also need a man who is sensual, someone who is concerned with the feeding of appetites, with the gratification of the senses. A voluptuous man.

The average man on the street, if asked by an interviewer doing a Gallup survey, would affirm that yes, indeed, he does like to get laid. Remember, however, that getting laid is a far cry from having someone make love to you, which is a far cry from your making love with someone. The traditional cowboy wanted it, but it to him was on the order of “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am!” The sensuous man is concerned with something more than the simple tension reduction that accompanies orgasm. To him, the process of making love will be as important as the final goal of physical release. The sensuous man, even when he is an inexperienced and somewhat inept boy-child, wants to make love with style.

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Comments on: "Sexuality and the Sensuous Lover" (1)

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